Two Step Back

I hate when I get caught up in memories. I hate when they flood my mind. It's like one step forward and two steps back. Today, I'm two steps back...

It just never stops...

...my mind that is. So much constantly going on... Here are thoughts that are typically in constant rotation in my mind:

1. My current job. How can I improve the process on my project, better partnership with other areas, better the product, become more relevant to consumers, etc., etc., etc.

2. My future, careerwise. What can I do to improve skills? What skills do I still need to learn? Where do I want my career to go in the next year or two, in the next 5 years, in the next 10 years, etc., etc., etc.

3. Running. How do I make myself a better runner. What can I do to cut time, run longer, build strength, build endurance, etc. Is running something I really want to keep pursuing? Is my body really cut out to withstand the constant pounding on my knees, legs, and ankles? Should I take up a sport that's not as strenuous and demanding on my joints? (Do I sound old?)

4. Location, Ohio. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss Ohio. I miss all that's familiar.

5. Location, Florida. I love the life that God's given me here. I love my friends and I love the incredible experiences I've had here. What fantastic memories I've already created and yet to create.

6. Photography. I'm so excited to be doing something I love again. I can't wait to get my camera in my hands and keep creating.

7. Relationships, past and future. I don't even know where to start thinking about this. It's so weird how past relationships continue to affect me to do this day. I suppose that's true about any past experience--it molds you into who you are today. It's strange because I hear of so many of my close friends getting engaged and married and yet, I feel so young. Certainly, there are days when I think "Gosh, why can't I just meet the man of my dream, fall in love, and get married tomorrow?" But then I realize that I'm a mere 23 years old. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life let alone who I want to be with the rest of my life. The responsibility of taking care of myself seems overwhelming some days--how the heck am I supposed to take care of a husband and possibly kids someday (that's a whooooole different story. The idea of kids scares the CRAP out of me. Never been one of those girls who longs for children and dreams of being a mom. I want a family of my own someday, but it does certainly scare me). Anyhow, I think I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to "settle down" (sidenote, I hate that term...I want my life to constantly be an adventure regardless of marital status--I'll never be ready to settle down--better just find a guy who can keep up!! :) ). I digress--I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to make room in my life for somebody, but just not sure if I'm there yet. Lots of evaluating to do. So as you can see, this one takes up a LOT of my time...and is likely at the center of a ot of my prayers.

8. Music. As the Jonas brothers would say "it's in my soul." (Don't judge me for quoting them...thanks). I wish I could communicate with people through songs. I wish I could just use lyrics and music to express the way I feel. Or maybe I should make this more general--art. I love the way art express emotions. Give me a day full of music and photography and you've just made me the happiest girl on earth. The emotion created between the two...love it.

9. Social Injustice. I know, heavy topic--likely one that will garner it's on post in upcoming days. But it's on my mind a lot. Why is there poverty? Why is there crime? Why is there abuse? Why are there homeless? Why are there orphans? How do we break the cycle? How do we help? What would Jesus do? What is our responsibilities as Christ followers? Where do you even begin to start? How do you make it seem less overwhelming so you can find a place to start? What makes me any more deserving of a nice home, a nice car, etc. than anyone else? Can we really blame this on a "luck of the draw"? Because I was born into a certain social class then I don't have to worry about others?--That's one question I know the answer to--absolutely not! Anyhow. You can see this weighs heavy on both my heart and mind...constantly.

10. Church, religion, theology. Am I where God wants me to be? Am I doing what God wants me to do? Am I honoring him in all I do? Waht can I do to further Christ's kingdom? How can I become more involved in the church with my already crazy schedule? Am I at the right church? Where are can my spiritual gifts best be utilized? Heck. What are my spiritual gifts? Why do we fight about religion? Why are countries and cultures torn apart over it? Is our world in a moral decline or becoming more aware of Christ's call and Christ's desire for us?

11. Politics. I hate them. I hate what they do to a nation. I hate how they pull us apart. I hate how they pit people against each other. I hate the put labels on things. I hate it all. Can't we just make wise decisions. Can't we just love people? Ugh...I just hate politics. I have no desire to vote, but I know I need to. But I hate it all...hate it.

12. Traveling/Adventure. I wish I could spend my life traveling and discovering the world. I feel like God's created the Earth for us to enjoy and I want to see every inch of his creation. I want to capture the memories with my camera...I want to see it all....someday, someday.

Okay, there's so much more, but as you can see, my mind never ever ever stops. Ridiculousness. But right now what's on my mind? OHIO...3 days until I peace out!

Afternoon at the pool...

Rachel and I spent the afternoon at the pool. It was mostly uneventful. That is, until the birds got hungry. On a table across the pool from us some people had left an open bag of doritos. They then got in the pool and were swimming. Shortly thereafter, a swarm of birds discovered the open dorito bag and were all over free food. There were birds swimming all around the pool with bright orange chips in their beaks. Rachel and I were enjoying the scene...and also hoping that the people wouldn't go back and eat their doritos...

Don't look to the right...

Last night Rachel, Fawn and I went out for dinner. On our way home (I was driving), we were sitting at a stop light when the following occured:

Rachel: Wow, there are some really sketchy guys in that car.
Fawn and I: What car? Where?
Rachel: Don't look to the right. They're in that car.
Me: *Looks to the right*
Rachel: I SAID DON'T LOOK TO THE RIGHT!!!!!

We all start busting up laughing. Apparently I don't take directions very well.

Midwest Way of Ease...

One week. I've been looking forward to this trip for quite some time. Life here in Florida is really really good right now, but there's no denying the fact that my heart is still in Ohio, particularly Columbus. I have just 5 days and already it seems like not enough...so much to do, so much to see, so many people to see!!!

Anyhow, Enjoy these O.A.R. lyrics. I love the Midwest way of ease and the rhythm that surrounds...

There's a road outside Columbus, Ohio.
Feels like I drove along for years.
this Midwest way of ease it surrounds us.
I can't deny the rhythm here.
And as I pull away from Riverside beside me,
That High Street never looked so good.

Surprise, Surprise, I traveled here.
Four hundred miles from where I'm known.
My friends are here.
A couple years I've spent, I found I have a second home.

This would happen to me...

Where to start, where to start...I'll start at the very beginning. A very good place to start (Cue Sound of Music).

This morning I took my car to the shop to get an oil change. A mere $30 task. No big deal. I get a call halfway through the day...my Serpentine (?) Belt needs replaced. How much will that cost? $163. Perfect. Also, I need to start thinking about having my timing belt replaced. How much will that cost? $650. Fantastic. I tell them to go ahead and replace the Serpentine Belt (after consultion with my Dad). My $30 bill ended up being $176 (I begged for discounts and complained about not being able to eat the rest of the week if they didn't give me discounts...Okay, so maybe I batted my eyelashed a time or two as well. So sue me.).

So now, I have my lovely car back in my possession and I head happily off to Occoee to go to the Chiropractor. Chiropractor goes well and I head back towards Disney to meet a friend and let her into the park. On I-4 I hear my car start dinging (similar to the noise that cars make when you leave your headlights on after you turn off the car). I look down at my dashboard and see my water temperature gauge all the way to the "H". First thought: "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap." I call my dad as I pull my car off the side of the road. My dad explains that all I need to do is put water in the coolant thing (that's the technical term for you...thing). So I call my friend Ryan and beg for him to come save me. Scott and Ryan come to the rescue with a couple of gallons of water...but only after the Road Rangers have pulled over to help (Thank you Lord for the Road Rangers. No Seriously. THANK YOU LORD!!!). The Road Ranger man looks under the hood of my car and dicovers that my radiator cap was loose, hence the reason that the fluid was low. And, he finds that my battery has started to corode. Lovely. He then tells me that I should be a little bit skeptical of the work that was done on my car today. Awesome.

So at this point I'm a little bit angry at the car place. This would be the 3rd time that I've taken my car in to get fixed and had something go wrong AFTER they "fixed" it. It would be safe to say that I'm going to have words tomorrow with the car place.

On a bright note. I have fantastic friends. Scott and Ryan rock. I shall repay them tomorrow night with a lovely Peanut Butter pie.

I was finally able to head on to Disney and got to see Austina for the first time in nearly a year and a half!!! So excited. I miss her a lot!

All in all, I have to sit back and laugh a bit at today. Car problems and all, I'm still blessed :)

Reflection: What does it mean to be Blessed?

I've been thinking about this. When we say that we are blessed, what are we really saying? How do we really measure being blessed? I think that so often we measure being blessed by how much our family loves us, how many friends we have, the job we have, the money we make, the house we live in, the activities we participate in, etc., etc., etc.... But as I've been thinking about it, I've been convicted of how wrong that measurement is. If all of that was taken away tomorrow--if I had no frinds, no job, no family, no money, no house, etc--would I still be blessed? Of course. I think we need to find comfort in knowing that true blessing is being loved unconditionally by our Lord and Savior. True blessing is knowing that while we are completely undeserving of anything Jesus has to give, He still offers in abundance his love, mercy, grace, forgiveness. I believe that is true blessing. All of these other worldly things--job, money, house, even our friends and family--are additional blessings that we should give thanks for daily.

Just my thoughts for now...possibly more to come as I continue to reflect on this topic...