Almost a year...

Almost a year. It's hard to believe. Almost a year ago my heart was broken. I thought about that a lot today. So much has happened in this past year (how fast the year has gone!). It's crazy how fast you grow to care about someone and then how quickly it's all over. I remember the pain I felt in the days, weeks, and months after. At times it felt unfair...I wasn't done caring, I wasn't done getting to know, I wasn't done sharing, I wasn't done spending time, I just wasn't done. But that's what a relationship is all about...it's about 2 people being in it together. All I could do then and all I can do now and in the future is be 100% me and put in 100%. And when the time is right, someone else will come to accept and even love me...100% of me--my ups, my downs, my quirks, my insecurities, my humor, my sadness, my family, my friends, and everything in between.

I'm sure so many people would tell me that I should have moved on long ago. But I'm certain that healing takes time (especially when you have a set back over New Years...hahaha...oh my...that's when you learn to roll with it :) ). I've taken the pain, the hurt, and the confusion to God so many times. I've cried more tears than I can count. I've been angry and not even known why. I've felt lonely and sick. And at times I've felt like God was just leaving me hanging. But I've had incredible friends who have let me cry and listen to me over and over again. They've reminded me countless times that I'm God's Beloved and given me great words of encouragement.

At times I still don't understand it all--and I don't think I ever will understand it all. But as I've spent some time reflecting on it, I look where God's brought me and what I've learned about myself. I have been blessed in so many ways. There will always be struggles and rough patches that I'll be dealt, but it's what keeps the journey exciting. I see the path that my life has taken in just a year and I find great joy and hope in seeing what the next year holds.

I have many great memories from that relationship, and I will always care about him. I shared many laughs and many great moments with him--I can't count the number of times I felt butterflies in my stomach around him and broke into a smile at the thought of seeing him. But I can't give to someone who isn't open to receiving. If it's not God's will, then I have to be more than okay with it. And when times get hard, I'll just keep giving it to God. I'm so thankful that my Heavenly Father is the Great Healer.



On a complete sidenote:
I came home tonight and as I parked my car I saw Magic Kingdom fireworks going off in the distance. I turned up my radio (Augustana was on...of course) and just sat there watching the fireworks. I love moments like those. I wish I could capture them in a bottle to be opened whenever I needed them.